


I Was So Close, But I Lost It All

by alfing



Category: Superb - Fandom, Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Angels mate for life, Big Brother Gabriel, Car Accidents, Cas is secretly an angel, Dean and Cas are best friends, F/M, Gabe and Anna are angels too, Heartbreak, Kid Destiel, M/M, Married Dean/Anna, Mary knows, Nephilim, Pining Cas, Sacrifices, Suicidal Castiel, Suicidal Thoughts, Unrequited Destiel, except Anna is fallen still
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-08
Updated: 2015-07-08
Packaged: 2018-04-08 08:22:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4297539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alfing/pseuds/alfing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas knew he loved Dean since they were kids. He was so sure that Dean loved him back. But then his sister, Anna wanted to meet his best friend. It all went to hell then.<br/>*cries* I can't write summaries</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Was So Close, But I Lost It All

**May 1st, 1987**

Cas was packing his backpack full of toys that he wanted to give to Dean, an important part of his courting plan. He placed several action figures he knew Dean would like and a new comic book he had spent his allowance on inside the bag. He only hoped that Dean would accept them...

"Cassie!" his younger sister, Anna, exclaimed. "Where are you going?"

He smiled at her. "I'm going to see Dean," he told her.

"Can I come?" she asked with a hopeful look.

Cas thought for a moment. She wouldn't be too much of a bother, perhaps she could play with Sam. He nodded at her and they walked to the Winchester's home.

 

Cas knocked on the door twice, it being answered by Mrs Winchester.

"Good afternoon, Mrs W," he greeted.

Mary smiled down at him. "Hello, Cas," she greeted in return. "And this must be Anna. It's very nice to meet you."

The little red headed angel blushed shyly and his behind her older brother's leg.

"It's very nice to meet you, too," she said in a quiet voice.

Mary let them inside and they were immediately greeted by two boys, one with blonde hair, green eyes, and very distinguishable freckles. The other had a messy mop of brown hair and matching deep brown eyes.

"Cas!" the freckled boy greeted, giving his best friend a hug.

"Hello, Dean," he greeted back, grinning.

Dean pulled away and looked behind the other. "Who's that?"

"This is my younger sister, Anna. She wanted to come over today," Cas replied.

When the blue eyed angel returned his attention to his friend, he noticed that Dean had  _his_ attention on his sister, seeming to be completely mesmerized.

"You have really pretty hair," he said dumbly.

Anna blushed and giggled. "You have really pretty eyes," she complimented in return.

Cas felt a pang of jealously and betrayal.

He was left to play with Sam that afternoon.

 

**November 9th, 1992**

 

 

It was still the beginning of 8th grade for Cas and Dean, and they still shared recess with the 7th graders, meaning Anna could join them. Dean and Anna could always be seen hanging around each other in more intimate ways than how Dean and Cas spent time with each other. Occasionally, hands were held and they blushed when they looked at one another at the same time. Cas hated watching them from a distance or having to go hang out with his other friend, Balthazar (who was also an angel), when Dean and Anna wanted to be alone. But of course, he never said anything to Dean. It was against the rules. If one angel had successfully stolen the heart of another angel's mate, then the victimized angel was not to interfere and suffer in silence. Anyone who broke this rule would be punished, often times by death.

It was a stupid rule.

He hated that rule.

Castiel always had the opportunity to cease being friends with Dean to ease the pain, but he just couldn't bear being separated from him just because of some unrequited love he had for the boy.

But that afternoon, he stayed in the library instead of going out to recess with Dean and Anna.

 

**April 18, 1997**

 

 

It was almost the end of senior year and Dean and Cas were already 18 years old. Anna would be graduating the following year.

Speaking of Anna and Dean, they had been a couple for almost five years now.

Did you know that?

Castiel sure as hell did.

His constant reminder would be on August 30th every year when he would have to take Anna to Dean's for their anniversary. There would be gifts and everyone there was happy.

Everyone, except him.

He knew he should be happy, I mean, Anna was his precious younger sister who he would never want to hurt, and Dean was his best friend. He should be happy. But he just couldn't be.

Everyone in the halls knew that Dean and Anna were going to prom together, and Castiel repeatedly had to refuse joining them, insisting that he had college applications to fill. But he did promise that he'd be voting for them to be Prom King and Queen.

They did win, he remembered. And he was glad that he wasn't there to see it, no matter how selfish that sounds.

 

**June 5th, 2001**

 

It was the day of Dean and Anna's wedding and Cas was sitting in the front row with his older brother Gabriel. He'd never sat in the front row for anything before, but he had never thought it would be for his sister and (unrequited) crush's wedding. He couldn't help but chuckle a bit at that.  _Crush_. He never realized how literal that word was until he experienced it, the pain of feeling love for one who cannot return it. Of course, no one knew about his feelings for Dean, no one except for Gabriel because Gabriel knew everything.

Castiel watched, trying to push away the strong sadness and jealously in his heart to make room for what little happiness he had as Dean and Anna recited their vows. He could feel tears stinging his eyes, glad that he could easily excuse them for tears of happiness. He faked a watery smile as Dean looked in his direction and swallowed down a sob as the priest joined them together as man and angel, husband and wife.

Everyone cheered.

But him.

Again.

 

**Later**

 

They were at the reception now and Dean and Anna were slow dancing in the middle of the dance floor. Castiel sat in a corner, nursing a glass of champagne. He wanted to get drunk, to drown his pain in alcohol. But he knew he couldn't do it there, on two very important people's special day. 

His heart ached, his eyes were red, he didn't want to talk to anyone. In all honesty, he wanted to die.

Cas saw as his brother, Gabriel, seated beside him after looking up from his glass. All he saw was pity and sympathy. It pissed him off.

"Go away," he grouched.

"Look at you, Cassie. You're pathetic," his brother said with disappointment, shaking his head in dismay. "You were too slow to hook your fish to your bait. Apparently, Anna is the better fisher."

"Shut up," he said a little louder, taking a large gulp from his champagne.

"As much as a hypocrite I am for saying this, I don't think it will help you, drinking. It won't solve your problems," Gabriel said.

Castiel glared. "Oh thank you for that advice, I had no idea," he said sarcastically, surprisingly out of character.

His brother glared right back. "So much for trying to help you."

Cas drank alone in the corner for the rest of the night.

 

**Present Day**

 

Castiel was an uncle now. Dean and Anna had two daughters, Claire and Emma, and they often came to visit him in his home. He worked as a doctor at their local hospital but luckily for them, they didn't have a lot of emergencies to deal with and were often sent home early to spend time with family. This weekend, he was off, so he got to babysit his nieces while Dean and Anna went out for a nice dinner date with one another.

His love for Dean was simply a dull ache now. But that changed whenever he saw him. It hurts like hell to even be in the same room as him. 

Cas shook off those memories of pain as the doorbell rang. He answered it and plastered on a smile when he saw his beaming nieces and their nicely dressed parents standing on his doorstep.

"Hey, Cas. Thanks for doing this for us, I wish there was something we could do to pay you back," Dean told him.

Castiel swallowed at that. "There's no need," he said softly, letting the girls inside and watching as they immediately ran to his book shelf full of children's things.

Anna smiled at her brother. "We're really thankful, how about you let us treat you to lunch tomorrow?" she offered.

Cas wanted to refuse, but then he saw that hopeful look in Dean's eyes and he felt like his world was crumbling before him.

"Sure," his voice said without his permission.

"Great!" Dean and Anna said in unison, chuckling when they did so.

They soon left, telling Cas what time they would be done and told him to drop the girls off at their place in the morning. He closed the door and took a seat on the couch, looking towards his nieces. Claire, being the oldest at 13 years old, began to look at the movie shelf.

"Hey, uncle Cas? Can we watch _Men in Black_?" she asked him.

Emma, the younger at 6 years, shook her head vigorously.

"No! That's too scary for me," she argued, pouting. "Let's watch _Tinker Bell_!"

Claire groaned. " _Tinker Bell_ is for little kids. I want to watch a big kid movie."

Cas chuckled. "How about we watch _the Avengers_?" he suggested.

The two girls grinned happily. "Okay!" they both said and join their uncle on the sofa.

The blue-eyed angel turned on Netflix and searched through his list to find  _the Avengers._

"Hey, uncle Cas?" Claire asked, looking up at him.

"Yes, Claire?" he answered, not looking at her.

"Do you love dad?" she inquired.

He nearly dropped the remote.

"Wh-what?" he spluttered, looking at her with a shocked expression.

Emma was paying attention to them now.

"Well, you always look sad when you see him and I notice that you can never say 'no' to him either, unless you have some excuse ready," she explained.

Emma nodded. "Yeah! And mama always says that you loved going over to daddy's house when you were kids and you seemed a little upset when she said that she wanted to go."

Cas blinked. "She-she said that?"

Claire nodded this time. "Yup."

Castiel stared long and hard at his two nieces. They were extremely smart, and he wasn't surprised that they were as they were nephilim. But still, he didn't think that he was  _that_ obvious. He felt his heart sink.

"Yes, I... I am in love with your father. But you understand the angelic mating rules, correct? Just be sure not to mention this to your parents, okay?" he made them promise before turning on the movie.

 

**The Next Day.**

 

Cas decided to walk them to their parent's house since they only lived a neighborhood away and it gave them a chance to go to the park. They spent some time there at the playground, Cas happily watching them from a bench. Some boys had a ball and invited Emma and Claire to play with them, which made Cas smile even more.

Until the ball rolled out onto the street.

One of them had tried to go and get it, but Cas stopped them, telling them that it was too dangerous. So instead, he went out there to get it. 

The street was clear.

It had been completely deserted when he went out there.

And no one was supposed to go over the speed limit.

Apparently, those were all lies.

Cas had bent down to pick up the ball, so he hadn't seen the large semi-truck speeding towards him. But he did feel the impact. He flew a few feet through the air and landed with a sickening crunch onto the pavement. Through his haze, he heard a familiar scream and the sounds of his nieces calling his name. He heard an ambulance siren somewhere and that was all he remembered before everything went black.

 

When he came to, he was in a hospital. He could hear a monitor beeping and a weight on his side. Slowly and painfully, he turned his head in that direction and saw Dean, resting his head beside his hand. His heart leaped at the sight. Dean was there to see him.

"D-dee," was all he was able to manage.

Castiel felt so broken. Physically and emotionally. He could barely talk nor could he function his mind properly. The man he loved stirred beside him and looked up.

"Cas, how are you feeling, buddy?" he greeted, smiling.

He could tell that Dean hadn't been sleeping much lately, judging from the bags under his eyes.

"G-goo..." he tried, looking down in defeat when he couldn't.

Dean showed obvious worry upon his face, but decided to say something else, not making a comment on his speech impairment.

"Anna and the girls went down to the cafeteria to get some lunch. I volunteered to stay with you to make sure everything was fine," he explained, giving him a half-smile. "'Cause I know that everything is going to be fine, okay, Cas? You're going to get better and then everything will go back to normal."

Normal.

To most, that would sound pleasant. But Cas had a selfish part of him that didn't want to go back to normal. That part wanted  _him_ to be with Dean, wanted  _him_ to be the one to make him happy and smile and make him breakfast in bed. In  _their_ bed. But that wasn't happening.

Never, in his life, has Castiel hated being an angel more than in that moment.

Tears began to flow down his cheeks and he couldn't fight it anymore. He sobbed. In front of Dean. The green-eyed man began to panic.

"Cas, Cas- buddy, what's wrong?" he asked, squeezing his hand.

"S-s-sorry," he hiccuped, sobs making his speech impairment worse.

"What for, Cas? You've done nothing wrong."

Castiel shook his head vigorously.

"I-I luff..." he took a shaky breath, "...you."

Dean froze. He hadn't been expecting that. But maybe it was just the morphine messing with Cas's mind.

"Cas, you're kidding, right-?"

But as he finished his question, the monitor began to beep rapidly, his best friend's heart beating inhumanly fast.

"Cas-Cas no-" he panicked and ran out the door. "Someone! I need a doctor, please!"

But it was too late.

The Heavenly Host had given the angel his punishment.

But Castiel didn't mind.

 

fin.


End file.
